“This is Chuck Klosterman filling in for Steve who-the-fuck on CNN. As you can see the from the scene behind me chaos has erupted on the Senate floor. Newsroom, this is the epitome of a pizza party gone awry.”

Chuck dove for cover as a binder containing a 2,000-page bill that would amend the taxable percentage of income from semi-commercial duck farms flew between him and his cameraman. Chuck looked up just in time to see a second volume; this one containing 1,500 pages (an early draft of the same bill) hit his cameraman square in the head.

His cameraman went down. Chuck rushed to his side, cradling the unconscious man in his arms when he too was hit in the head with a wadded up paper ball. (The original idea for the semi-commercial duck-farming bill.) It bounced off his head harmlessly.

A percussive rapping from the Senate floor brought Chuck’s attention back to the matter at hand.

Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump were dueling with wooden canes, circling the speaker’s podium where a terrified and clearly confused Scott walkder was screaming about Bootstraps.

“Oh Yeah!” came a voice from the balcony above Chuck and the Bush brothers dressed like a pair of WWE wrestlers fast roped down in to the melee. They grabbed a pair of folding chairs that seemed to have been stashed under a table for this purpose and ran towards the fray.

Before they could get behind the Democratic Party lines Biden came rushing down the center aisle riding a chair of his own. It was a big, black, leather monstrosity of a chair outfitted with six low-friction wheels. Biden was kneeling on the seat using the back like a shield.

“Weee!” he screamed as he zipped past Chuck, who was wondering how many essays he could get away with writing about that exclamation alone.

Biden crashed into the Bush brothers in a spectacular collision of second choices and office furniture.

Noticing that the inevitable fighting broke out before most of the pizza had even been passed out Chuck settled down by boxes of untouched food. He took a slice (Hawaiian), and watched the battle unfold while brainstorming titles for his next book.

A security guard burst through the door next to him. After taking in the chaos his eyes settled on Chuck. Chuck offered him a slice of pizza and asked, “Would you read a book called The Biden Bobsled Team?”


About tomkray

Tom Kray is a writer, gentleman adventurer, and the resident zombie expert (wherever he happens to be residing at the time). He believes in the oxford comma. He believes that terrible decisions make great stories and he could tell you a bit about both. He’s headstrong and a little daft but has a good heart and bounces when he hits the ground, which is fortunate as he does tend to trip over his own feet a lot. He has a history of applying percussive maintenance with moderate success.
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